Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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