Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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