she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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