Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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