My liver just broke up with me...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
