Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
