dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
