she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
