forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
