his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
