this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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