Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
