I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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