SEEEEXXX PLEASE
honey bunches of taint.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
