and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
