Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
