Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
