gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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