If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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