What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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