i was born a porn star she said
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
