I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
