who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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