ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
