i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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