I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
