i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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