What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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