some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
