I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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