trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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