I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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