Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
