After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
