im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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