Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love you.
Bad choice
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
