He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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