How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
