turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
