I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
