do herpes really smell.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
