In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
