recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize
