You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
