i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
