honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
