New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
