I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
