I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
