Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry cassetti hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

Fav 35 1915 6913
share tweet
(423): View more from Tennessee

All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

Fav 8 3314 1199
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(319): View more from Iowa

Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?

Fav 11 2401 637
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.

Fav 7 788 2045
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

Why do you need me to cover for work?

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.

Fav 8 1413 985
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me

Fav 4 802 590
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(920): View more from Wisconsin

Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.

Fav 0 1205 562
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?

Fav 2 16 36
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar

Fav 0 45 53
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT