I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
