Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
