Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
