This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Mom said you looked used
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize