he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
