I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
