we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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