I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My life is pants optional.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize