oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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