just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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