i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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