It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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