yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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