This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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