i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
