Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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