So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
