I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you inspire me to be a worse person
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
