Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
