I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
