Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Operation Purity has been aborted
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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