If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
