If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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