My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
