It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
