sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
