i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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