Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
